Have you ever been in a brief conversation with someone and their attention noticeably fades? Their eyes wander. Their voice slowly drifts. No doubt your encounter was a bit frustrating if not annoying, to say the least.
People’s attention spans are no longer the same. This highly digitalized world has definitely added to this struggle. There is a battle with connecting with real life since a huge portion of a person’s day is consumed with social media, entertainment, and fast information. There is a lack of a person being present in their interactions with others. Have you witnessed a couple at a restaurant having dinner together but completely consumed by their smartphones? They may be physically present but their minds are in a faraway land. There is a lack of being present mentally, and their actions are proven indicators.
Charisma is one of the most important qualities you can possess to be a feminine woman. It will help you start or nurture relationships in your love life and become an attractive person in your social and/or work life. So what exactly is charisma? Simply put, charisma is magnetism. Having charisma is like having a special magnetic charm, the wonderful ability to listen, and be a friendly, likable person. You show others that you think they are important. A charismatic person makes a person like themselves more, simply by being in their company. The beauty of charisma is that it is not a mystery but a quality that can be developed if you are willing to put in the work. A soft, feminine woman is not lazy in life. But she is constantly working to become the beautiful person that she can be proud of.
Charisma has different facets. It can be dismantled into visible, nonverbal behaviors that you can learn, practice, and allow to become authentically natural to you. One feature of charisma is being present in the moment. These days it is so ridiculously easy to set yourself apart from the crowd simply by being present in the moment and giving people your undivided attention. You may be getting a little anxious by now as you invent ways in your brain on how to be a stunning, breathtaking woman to others. But let’s take a deep breath. There’s a secret to charisma and being present. It’s not about highlighting your own qualities but it’s about making the other person feel good about herself/himself. After your interaction, the other person feels better about themselves compared to before you started conversing. By nature, we all want to fundamentally feel as though we matter to others. That we are special and important to them.
The beauty of interacting with others is that you do not have to be an extrovert or the life of the party because an extrovert is not automatically charismatic. Many make interactions all about themselves while engaging in meaningless conversations with many. Giving breadcrumbs of themselves to a lot of people. But even a person with introverted tendencies can be charismatically focused just by giving their full attention to a few. It’s not the number of interactions but it’s the quality.
Your presence must be authentic otherwise a person can easily realize your disinterest. You have to actually be present. Being present requires discipline to focus on that one person. But with practice, you can do it.
To prepare your mind to be present with others there are a few things you can do before your day begins.
Make sure you are confident and comfortable with your appearance. You don’t have to be the most beautiful woman. But you can accentuate what you do have. Take the necessary time to dress yourself in the morning and do your skin and hair routine to make you feel at your best. This will cause you to be confident when you converse with others. You will feel approachable and ready to greet the world.
Turn your devices on the silent mode and put them away. Don’t take calls during your interactions with others. This is especially recommended during sit-down, extended conversations. It signals to the other person that you will not allow them to compete with your phone. It signals that you are giving your full attention. Make it a point to show yourself visibly muting your phone on their behalf, especially with a friend or acquaintance, on a date, or in a workplace situation. You will be one of the most attractive and most memorable people ever.
Eye Contact. Look them right in the eyes. It shows your warmth, confidence, honesty, and sincerity. Eye contact creates intimacy and sets the stage for a positive, refreshing interaction. It’s an acknowledgment that you are tuned in. Eye contact does not need to be constant. But when a person is speaking, a good rule of thumb is to maintain eye contact for about 80% of the time. It’s perfectly fine to periodically look downward while nodding or look skyward as you take in the conversation.
Smile. Regularly smiling exudes positivity. Many people tend to gravitate toward a positive person. One study noted that an average adult smiles about 20 times per day but the average child smiles about 400 times per day. We all know the heart of a child. The happiness and innocence. Being an adult can make smiling a bit harder. Feeling genuinely positive is no easy feat and it is a different journey for everyone. But smiling has the power to heal and nurture someone. Of course, we would use discernment when smiling if there is a somber or melancholy mood due to a particular situation or circumstance.
Relax, Slow Down and Just Breathe. Relax and regulate your breathing during the conversation. You may need to take slow, paced, and deliberate deep breaths to get oxygen in full flow. This will increase your attentiveness and engagement.
Use Body Language and Simple Words. A simple, periodic nod shows you are present. Make sure to nod at appropriate times and authentically. Don’t overdo it. You must listen to the other person to create a nodding balance. Keep your face and knees toward them to show your interest in them.
Ask Clarifying Questions. Simple questions like “Can you tell me more about..?” or “What do you think about …?” can add to the depth of a conversation. You can also paraphrase what the other person has said by briefly repeating their thoughts to show that you are listening. Make them elaborate. You can ask questions about their experiences. It makes them feel like the most important person in the world. Reflective questions can be great to utilize. Questions like “What was your favorite part about…?” Or “What was the hardest part about…?” People really enjoy answering these questions. Open-ended questions will encourage thoughtful responses.
Don’t think of your response while the other person is talking. Being present means you are fully engaged. We tend to want to jump in and talk as soon as there is an opening to do so. If you are rehearsing in your mind what to say next, you won’t be fully listening. You will be zoned out and lose the natural flow of the conversation. Allow a pause to occur after a person speaks. Hug the pause. Embrace it. Silence is golden. Allow yourself to work through your response.
Let Your Face React Before Your Words. Before you utter a word, allow your face to speak first after a person speaks. It allows you to show your engagement in their story and that you are clinging to each word they speak. A sweet spot is two seconds. Between the time the person speaks, your face gathers and absorbs their message, and then when you verbally respond.
Show Empathy. Always imagine what it must be like in someone else’s shoes. You may even be able to read deeper into a person’s words and actions more than the average person. This comes with studying people and their nature. When you show your presence by being empathetic, the more vulnerability a person is willing to expose to you.
Tell a good or funny story. It’s been said when people hear a good joke, they remember the joke. When people hear a good story, they will remember you. A good or funny story adds seasoning to a conversation. Make it short and sweet so that it doesn’t eclipse the entire conversation.
Being present with others will lead to more fulfilling relationships in your life.